I just don't care anymore.

I just dont.

I'm not going idley stand by while people don't talk to me, I try to be assertive without being rude but it's hard and I can't do it anymore.Everytime I try to talk to someone I feel like they just feel obligated to talk to me and that they actually don't want to and I really dislike forcing people to do what they don't want to so I suppose I don't have any real friends do I? I want to talk to them but it's not easy for me,I have always had massive anxiety problems since I was young and it's something i've been trying to get rid of my whole life but I don't think it will ever go away.

I don't know what i'm going to do with myself, there are still many things in life that I want to do but if you not happy then what's the point? I'm not going to fake being happy anymore just to make other people happy that don't value me at all. I don't want to kill myself but if there isn't anything else left doing.....I just don't know what to do.

I honestly can't express my discontent with myself and other people. I don't hate other people in general I just hate the ignorance that plagues them all,many of them think they aren't ignorant but they are. As soon as they see something that isn't what they would deem "normal" they just avoid that person despite how nice and selfless that person is. I can't send a big fuck you to everyone because i'm so emotionally confused at the moment that I don't know to express myself without coming off as emo.

I want to be social like everyone else, I want to go out like everyone else, I want to succeed like everyone else but based on how I feel now and the past month, I don't think I can. I know no one will read this but that's how I feel and I just don't want to live anymore, i'm sorry if this hurt any feelings but I just don't care anymore. You hurt me and now i'm hurting you.

Please help me,I don't know what to do ;(